TW: Depression and Suicide.
There were moments reading The Midnight Library where I felt like I had found my new favorite book and moments when I wanted to hurl the book across the room in frustration. The Midnight Library is about depression and regret. In the mornings, listening to it on audible while doing the dishes, its message felt clear and comforting, but later when I was tired and sad, curled up on the couch with my paper copy, the same words took on a hollow tone. After sitting with it for a few days, I realized that both reactions were more about my mental state, not any great fluctuation in the book’s quality.
Depression is massive. I’ve dealt with depression of varying degrees for as long as I can remember. It’s always been there, a giant boa constrictor occasionally adjusting its grip. It has many faces, and all of them lie. The scope of this book is not, nor could it be, big enough to encompass the experiences of everyone who has dealt with depression. There are as many flavors of depression as people who suffer from it. And because of that, this book may be perfect for some while utterly useless to others. And that’s okay.
The flavor of depression I have dealt with is not the same as the flavor of depression that this book explores. In The Midnight Library, Nora’s sadness stems from regret and a life of feeling as though she has let everybody she loves down. Leaving the band, calling off the marriage, losing her job, not moving to Australia, and the dead cat. She has tangible things that she can point to and say, “That’s it, that’s the problem.” In the library, a place between life and death, she was able to see what it would have been like to avoid those regrets, to live all the lives she didn’t choose.
I can imagine that for those whose depression has a similar root cause, the message of this book could be very therapeutic. Nora lives every possible life she could have led and is able to let go of her regrets by seeing how controlling choices is not the same thing as controlling outcomes. There are no lives where bad things don’t happen. There are often no clear right or wrong choices. Even if, with the benefit of hindsight, we feel that we have made a wrong turn, there is no guarantee what another option would have led to. Anger and frustration with your current life doesn’t mean you deserve the guilt that comes from making choices.
I spoke to someone recently who hated this book because they felt like the message was, “It could have been worse.” While I understand where they were coming from, that’s not the message I got from Midnight Library at all, and it was definitely not what Haig was going for. The lesson Nora learns isn’t that there were worse lives she could have lived. It was simply that there is always more potential than you think in what you already have.
Haig doesn’t claim that Nora’s experience with depression and suicidal ideation is universal. Nora has situational depression. She is not supposed to represent the experience of someone with major depressive disorder or bipolar depression. And that’s okay. Not every book about depression has to be about my depression.
Overall, The Midnight Library is a beautifully written and thoughtful exploration of situational depression. It was sad and sweet and sometimes even funny. I look forward to reading more of Matt Haig’s work.
Tillie's Void 
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